David Bowie's Package

Congrats Paper Tiger!

2011-06-13T15:36:00.001-04:00

June 11, 2011 - I am honored and overjoyed to offer heartfelt congratulations to the 2011 PBRPRPSCLCS Champion, Paper Tiger, on behalf of myself and Team David Bowie's Package. Your victory on Saturday was a joy to behold for many reasons.

As two-time Champ, it is my honor to stand shoulder to shoulder with another RPS giant. I have always considered you my most challenging and respected adversary in RPS competition. Looking back at 5 years of competition, your swagger, competitive spirit and inimitable style have been an inspiration to newcomers and veterans alike. You're a class act, Paper Tiger.

While Team David Bowie's Package did not bring home it's fourth winner's trophy this year, we could not be happier with this outcome. Our team fought with honor (even PJ, kind of) and placed in the top 4 for the 4th year in a row, despite having to eliminate several of our own mates in the early rounds. Once again, congratulations Paper Tiger on your exciting and most-deserved victory!

Lastly, a special thank you goes to C. Urbanus and all of the league sponsors for bringing us yet another awesome and exciting season of RPS action.

Kevin Mercer, "Baconshark"
2007 & 2010 PBRPRPSCLCS Champ

Ziro Wins Again!

2011-06-07T12:26:00.002-04:00

2 victories for David Bowie's Package in a row! And 2 wins by Ziro this season! And OH! What a win this was.

The Package was rolling mad deep to celebrate Hipster Thrifter's final night of RPS before she moves to Florida. Zombie Llama, Hipster Thrifter, Ziro, Mr. Is, PJ Rhymeswithsausage, dOGulas, and Master Brader all came out to throw down. Donkey Show Deena was there, too, but she showed up too late to play. Round 1 saw losses by PJ Rhymeswithsausage and Hipster Thrifter. As the rounds continued, Package members kept winning. Rumblings began about an All Package Semi-Final. But alas, this was not to be. An odd number of contestants resulted in a weird number of byes. The Semi-Final saw dOGulas VS our old foe Fighting Mongooses (now playing under the name Boat Reynolds) and Ziro VS Zombie Llama. This gave way to a Lone Wolves grudge match - dOGulas VS Ziro in the Final. They fought hard for each point, but in the end it was Ziro by 3 wins to 1.

dOGulas, PJ Rhymeswithsausage, and Ziro all did well in Street RPS, too. It was decided that There Can Be Only One, and in a stunning one-throw, three-way match, Ziro won all the money. Ziro went on to win the Street title on the night, too.

Considering that all of Ziro's victories this season have come on nights that Hipster Thrifter was trying to celebrate (he defeated her on her birthday and won here on her last night of competition), it's not clear how he'll do as we roll towards the Championship. Chances are he'll win the whole thing in another showdown with dOGulas.

MR IS WINS!

2011-06-07T09:28:00.000-04:00

David Bowie's Package got two text messages from Mr. Is the other night:

June 1 - 8:21pm: There's a girl @ the Raven arguing w/ Urbanus for use of the stage so she & her friends can pole dance.

June 1 - 9:54pm: I won! Wait, what?

At first glance it would appear that Mr Is won the right to use the stage for pole dancing. And that would be wrong. What she did do is beat everybody else at the Raven Lounge and take the PBRPRPSCLCS Victory for the night. Not as cool as winning the 2008 PBRPRPSCLCS, but it is her first victory since that victory. Except for that time she won some other RPS tournament sponsored by some other beer.

OK. Maybe she did win the right to pole dance.

Package Mega Post

2011-06-02T10:04:00.002-04:00

So much time has passed since the last update. What have you, our dear reader, missed out on? Lots of second place finishes and an amazing victory!

Back on May 11 there was a dude what came to play RPS for one night only – The Professor is a professor of Math & Other Stuff from Oxford University in merry ol’ England. He came to the PBRPRPSCLCS to play RPS with Math for an episode for an upcoming BBC show called The Code. (The Professor told me that the eposide featuring RPS would then segue into patterns left by serial killers. Hopefully there are no other correlations between the PBRPRPSCLCS and serial killers, but only time will tell.) We chose to play RPS with Beer. In the end it’s hard to say who won, because it wasn’t the Professor (he defeated Ziro in Round 1 and then lost to Dick Nasty in Round 3) and it wasn’t us – dOGulas lost in the Final to Sweetji. PJ Rhymeswithsausage beat The Professor for some Street money, but that really didn’t matter so much. PJ took second place in Street on the night to J Martin Hill by a margin of six fake dollars. And as those shirts from the ‘90s so eloquently put it, 2nd place is the first looser. So let’s hear it for David Bowie’s Package sweeping the First Loser spots on the night!

Hipster Thrifter went out to the El Bar for a night of Birthday RPS on May 23. And she did awesome, drinking drinks and winning lots of matches. But not all of the matches. That honor fell to fellow Package member Ziro!!! Ziro freaking won!! And in an ALL PACKAGE FINAL! How awesome is that? Super awesome. Plus, it finally gets Ziro & dOGulas (who had nothing to do with the final match but is in the picture anyway for some reason) a picture on the Package Blog! Everyone wins! But actually only Ziro won, which is awesome, but kinda lame that you ruined Hipster Thrifter’s birthday like that.

Our final update comes from the final day in May. David Bowie’s Package was rolling mad deep on the night – in attendance was Mr. Is, Legg E. Blonde, Master Brader, PJ Rhymeswithsausage, dOGulas, Hipster Thrifter, and Zombie Llama. And we all lost. Baconshark casually crushed the competition all the way up to the final and was winning that 2-0 before Panty Bandit mounted a comeback to win the night. PJ Rhymeswithsausage did his darndest to win street but was off by like $60.

That was a lot of nights of second place finishes and first round losses. And Package members did play many other nights during the past 3 weeks, but it’s safe to say that those were unremarkable losses. Which I guess means taking second place is a remarkable loss?

dOGulas Ends Week 3 With A Win

2011-05-10T16:11:00.001-04:00

Coming off of the unmeasurable high of losing a whole lot over the past two years, dOGulas won his second-ever tournament last Thursday night at Teri's. (The previous win was when we were playing under the name Bea Arthur's Package to mourn the loss of that great lady. There was actually some other win in the 2010 Season, but that was a weird alternate-universe thing.) His final match was against newcomer Doug E. Fresh, a fellow "Doug". They fought not only for the #1 spot on the night, but also for the right to be called Doug. And our boy took it home after a very tense match up. Now dOGulas can continue to misspell his name and Doug E. Fresh must now be known as Frank. It remains to be seen if "Frank" lives up to his end of the deal. (It also makes you wonder if Frankie 13 has an unknown past life as a Doug. Maybe Dougs are like Highlanders, where they battle each other non-violently until only one remains...)

Ziro Has Best 1st Round Loss EVAR

2011-05-06T16:18:00.000-04:00

David Bowie's Package returned to Dirty Frank's for Week 3. Many new faces have joined the Package this season. Hipster Thrifter proved her worth last week by beating everyone. This week was a bit more wishy-washy. New member Master Brader went out quickly in the first round, earning 4 different Red Cards for 3 different violations. It was pretty rad. Other new member Donkey Show Deena almost made it to the Final 4. Almost.

It's safe to assume that everybody else in the Package lost on the night (because we did). But as usual, the greatest and most spectacular loss was by Ziro. It was a nail biter, but on the last point in a 3-round set, Ziro lost to Jerry Garcia, pictured below.

Jerry Garcia went on to lose to Paper Tiger in round 2. He then went on to ask everyone on our team if we've heard of Dark Star Orchestra, because have you ever heard of Grateful Dead? Well, Dark Star Orchestra does a note-for-note cover of a Grateful Dead show. You should bring your girl. She'll love it.

Package Sweeps Week 2 At Dirty Franks!

2011-05-03T17:06:00.001-04:00

Newest Package member Hipster Thrifter proved herself a winner winner chicken dinner last Tuesday night at Dirty Frank's. She went to the event to show off the silliness to a friend from out of town, and she ended up winning all of the silliness. Good Job New Girl! This marks the first win by a member of David Bowie's Package since Baconshark won his second Championship at the 2010 PBRPRPSCLCS back in June 2010.

To complete the sweep, dOGulas had more fake money than anybody else. His margin of victory was a slim $2, but it was enough. This marks dOGulas' first ever Street RPS victory. Probably. No one really remembers this stuff. It's just not that important in the long run.

The Package tried to maintain the victory streak at Teri's on Thursday night. It didn't work. PJ Rhymeswithsausage had a season-best finish in the Final 4 thanks to getting 2 byes and one victory. A loss to Paper Tiger set up a final between the Friend Of Package and 2010 PBRPRPSCLCS Runner Up Zombie Llama. Zombie Llama quickly took the lead by 2 sets, and then just as quickly lost the next 3 sets. Yes, it was a stunning and not too surprising meltdown that even Zombie Llama saw coming. It also marked the first time Zombie Llama took second place since Baconshark won his second Championship at the 2010 PBRPRPSCLCS back in June 2010.

A highlight of the evening was a new player taking victory in his first-ever match by throwing a Heart Attack (7 rocks in a row). Good times! Also, the members of David Bowie's Package learned that Street RPS money is covertly marked so as to prevent any type of fraudulent hanky-panky. Who knew?

David Bowie's Package Returns for 2011 Season, Loses

2011-04-28T08:16:00.001-04:00

April 18 marked the start of the 2011 Pabst Blue Ribbon Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship Series. And like the Three Time Champions we are, all members of David Bowie's Package barely made it out of the first round each night. Ziro and dOGulas returned to David Bowie's Package after spending a season away as The Lone Wolves. And it was a true return to form, as the duo played on Monday and both lost in the first round. Tuesday saw the Package rolling mad deep - 2007 & 2010 Champ Baconshark, Legg E. Blonde, PJ Rhymeswithsausage, dOGulas, new member Hipster Thrifter, and impartial observer Andrew all poured into Dirty Frank's to drink Pabst and loose, apparently. Baconshark and Hipster Thrifter both made it into Round 3 (thanks to both receiving byes in Round 2), then lost. Wednesday saw the return of Ziro and dOGulas, and once again saw them loose in the first round. BUT, Ziro won a lot of Street cash, then lost it all in one final match. In retrospect, this was probably the high point of the week for the Package. Finally, on Thursday dOGulas and Ziro showed up and lost again. GOOD TIMES!

What will happen in Week 2, which is happening right now? STAY TUNED OR SOMETHING!

Mr. Is Freaking Hates Pandas

2011-04-07T00:43:00.000-04:00

2008 Pabst Blue Ribbon Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship Series Champion Mr. Is has been exiled in Boulder, CO, for a few years now. She says she's out there "for school," but we here at David Bowie's Package know for a fact that she is spending her time & effort on a different task entirely. Seething. Seething with rage. Specifically, she is seething with rage at the mere existence of pandas.

As Mr. Is is a learned hate monger, she funneled her unbridled disgust and unrelenting hatred into a Power Point presentation for Ignite Boulder 14. And now, thanks to the wonders of Internet, you may gaze upon her feral animosity and despair.

Of course, we here at David Bowie's Package couldn't be more proud. Give 'em hell, Mr. Is. Give 'em hell.

Baconshark Deters Violence In Australia

2010-07-21T11:55:00.001-04:00

2007 & 2010 PBRPRPSCLCS Champ Baconshark is out to teach the people of Melbourne, Australia, that Rock Paper Scissors is a better alternative to violence. And apparently he's been doing it since 2009.

In an August 2009 article titled Melbourne Violence: Is Booze to Blame?, globe-trotting reporter Carlo Alcos discusses a rash of alcohol-fueled instances of "stabbings, bashings, beatings, and brawls." Carlo goes on to posit that alcohol is not as big a problem as the nationwide culture of violence. Without spoiling the article too much, he goes on to discuss how to overcome this aggressive behavior. And that's where Baconshark comes in. Posted in the article, without a word about it in the main text, is Baconshark defeating The Fighting Mongooses in Street RPS at the 2009 PBRPRPSCLCS Championship.

And there you have it. 2 time champion Baconshark defeating 2 great scourges of the 21st century at the same time - Drunken Violence, and The Fighting Mongooses.

BACONSHARK WINS 2ND CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

2010-07-01T22:21:00.010-04:00

BACONSHARK DEFEATS ZOMBIE LLAMA IN ALL DAVID BOWIE'S PACKAGE FINAL MATCH AT THE 2010 PABST BLUE RIBBON PHILADELPHIA ROCK PAPER SCISSORS CITY LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

Holy cow! Words can barely express the highs and lows experienced at the 2010 PBRPRPSCLCS Championships. You know how it ended - 2007 Champ Baconshark earned an unprecedented 2nd Championship by defeating 2009 4th Place finisher and fellow Package member Zombie Llama. But how did this auspicious night begin? Really crappy, that's how.

Due to a scheduling conflict, it wasn't even clear if Baconshark was going to make it to the Championship. His work as a graphic designer/poster artist in his civilian life earned him a show that night as part of Collingswood's 2nd Saturday events. Good news! Except that it was scheduled to overlap with the start of the RPS Championship. What to do? Why, delay the Championship, of course! (It should be noted that Baconshark was one of about 5 or so players who were otherwise engaged that night and not the sole reason for the delay. But he was the best reason.)

So after a short wait for Baconshark (and others) to arrive, what could possibly go wrong for David Bowie's Package? Funny you should ask. Due to end of season point standings and the absence of a few players at the Championship, Round 1 saw Zombie Llama facing PJ Rhymeswithsausage. Ouch.

Zombie Llama won it in 3 sets. (Or maybe it was 2. I remember it as 3.) Instantly one less opportunity for an All Package Final, or so we thought. At least One Of Us advanced to Round 2.

Elsewhere in Round 1, 2008 Champ Mr. Is lost to rookie player Panty Bandit.

And Baconshark defeated That's What She Said.

Round 2 saw the collective spirits of David Bowie's Package rise, as Zombie Llama won against 2010 Rookie Of The Year (and Perfect Attendance award winner) Dick Nasty.

Baconshark followed that up with a win against another Perfect Attendance winner, The Neutral Finger.

As all of this awesomeness was going on, Mr. Is dedicated herself to building the best Pabst Beeramid Evar.

This Beeramid was knocked over & rebuilt at least 3 times during the night.

Round 3! PBRPRPSCLCS Referee C. Urbanus called this the Upset Round because all of the lower-ranked players beat their higher-ranked adversaries. I don't personally think that too many people were upset with the results, though. Certainly not David Bowie's Package!

Zombie Llama defeated 2010 Street RPS Champ (and I think he was 2009 Rookie Of The Year?) B-Pac in a nail-biter.

Don't feel bad for B-Pac. He went on to win both the Street RPS prize for the night as well as the 50/50. There hasn't been a sweep like that at the championship since 2008 when Mr. Is won 1st Place, Zombie Llama won the 50/50, and PJ Rhymeswithsausage won the Street RPS prize. Man. David Bowie's Package rules!

Where were we? Right! Round 3! Baconshark showed no mercy as he soundly defeated Sweetji and her crutches. (She fell off a roof this season! That's the only thing that kept her from earning a Perfect Attendance award, too.)

The crowd looked on with a sense of awe and wonder as members of David Bowie's Package became engorged with victories and pounded their way into Round 4, the Super Awesome Round Of 8 Players.

Zombie Llama once again faced off against Friend Of The Package, baker of Strawberry Appreciation Day cakes, and all around nice guy, El Toro Papaya. And just as he did when they faced off in the Round Of 8 at the 2009 Championship, Zombie Llama emerged victorious and earned his spot in the Final 4.

Baconshark found himself facing another Friend Of The Package and recent carpool buddy, Harper Lee. And even though Harper Lee had just come off of a victory against yet another Friend Of The Package, Paper Tiger, in the previous round, it was not enough. Baconshark won and advanced to the Final 4.

Right about here is when we all started to get excited about the potential for an All Package Final. How awesome would that be? So awesome. But first, The Final 4.

Tensions were high all around. Up first - Zombie Llama VS Bill from The Real Name Brigade. (We are all big fans of The Real Name Brigade, simply because they get it.) This was another difficult match. But in the end, Zombie Llama advanced to the Championship!

Baconshark faced an unknown player by the name of Jazz Handz in his Final 4 bout. (She was unknown because she played on different nights than the Package during the season.) We quickly learned there was no reason for concern as Baconshark defeated his 3rd female opponent of the night (traditionally his greatest nemesis) and advanced to the Championship!

Wowzers! Electricity! Excitement! Anticipation! All David Bowie's Package Championship Match! Whoda thunk it? But before all that madness could take place, there were several things what needed to get done.

First and foremost, congratulations to Bill on his 3rd Place victory. He defeated Jazz Handz and earned himself a trophy & cash prize. We're all proud of you, Bill.

Up next: preparing the stage for the Final Match.

And the final death of the Pabst Beeramid.

There was a lot of time to kill after the 3rd Place match. The final call for Street RPS money went out, and the 50/50 winner was picked. And wouldn't you know it, Official Friend Of The Package and all around nice guy B-Pac won both.

And then it was GO TIME. Things started off cordially, as expected. Baconshark & Zombie Llama shared a Pabst Blue Ribbon toast to the greatness of David Bowie's Package.

Neither player had spoken to the other since they won their spots in the Final. After all, the time for talking was over. Now was the time for All Package Final.

Things escalated quickly. Baconshark found himself up 2 matches to 0. In the finals, of course, you need to win 3 matches to win it all. And then, something AMAZING happened...

During the 2009 PBRPRPSCLCS Season, Baconshark pioneered 3 new sets of throws. Throwing 7 papers in a row became The Bible. 7 scissors in a row was The Guillotine. And 7 rocks in a row was The Heart Attack. Very tricky maneuvers to pull off successfully in a match. Even harder to pull off in a Championship Match. Hardest of all to pull off against an opponent who is also your teammate who is also throwing the same difficult set against you in a Championship Match. But wouldn't you know it, without any type of discussion prior, Zombie Llama and Baconshark threw a Heart Attack against each other. And not only that, after completing the Heart Attack (7 in a row), they shared a knowing glance and threw an 8th tying rock. This maneuver is now known as the All Package Final.

Just look at how increasingly happy/silly their faces get with each throw.

Immediately after all of that madness a Pabst Blue Ribbon Time Out was called. Then they tied again with paper.

Zombie Llama made a stunning comeback. Suddenly it was 2 matches to 1. Then it was all tied up at 2 matches each. A little known fact about Zombie Llama - in the very first PBRPRPSCLCS match on the very first night of the League way back in 2006, Zombie Llama made it to the Finals. He was up 2 matches to 0, and won the first throw of the final match. What followed has often been described as the greatest meltdown in PBRPRPSCLCS history. Zombie Llama went on to lose every point in a row from that moment on. Victory went to his opponent after what had looked like a guaranteed win for Zombie Llama. Could he possibly redeem himself here and snatch victory away from his fellow Package member and former 2007 PBRPRPSCLCS Champ, Baconshark?

Not quite! Baconshark rose to a one point lead in the fifth and final match. And then, in a moment that Zombie Llama claims he saw coming but was powerless to stop, Baconshark's rock claimed final victory. Baconshark won a stunning and unprecedented second Pabst Blue Ribbon Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship Series Championship!

It really was the most amazing thing ever.

Zombie Llama won $250 and some bitchin' suspenders!

Baconshark won $1,000, a trophy, a giant check, and a Pabst towel!

And together, Baconshark and Zombie Llama proved, once again, without a shadow of a doubt, and perhaps for all of time,

DAVID BOWIE'S PACKAGE RULES!!!

PJ Rhymeswithsausage Wins Final Match Of The Season

2010-06-15T13:55:00.001-04:00

PJ Rhymeswithsausage took the final night of Double Points Week in a long hard fight against many good players. Dr. Hambone, Dick Nasty, Sweetji, God's Favorite Child, and others all put up strong matches that went to the 3rd round each time. But in the end, David Bowie's Package ruled!

The rest of the Package did well on the night, too. Zombie Llama and Legg E. Blonde both advanced to the Round Of 8 after beating several seasoned veterans. Mr. Is was out in the first round. What can ya do?

In other news, it was a belated celebration of Strawberry Appreciation Night. El Toro Papaya baked a cake in honor of Mr. Strawberry's birthday. The actual birthday had long since past and Mr. Strawberry was not in attendance, but none of that stopped folks from enjoying a slice of delicious cake after their loss in the night's tournament. Thanks again, El Toro. You are truly a prince amongst men.

And for the last Beeramid of the season, we made a big'un. Extra tall, extra wide, extra awesome.

DAVID BOWIE'S PACKAGE RULES!!!

Zombie Llama Is Famous For Losing

2010-06-11T14:56:00.002-04:00

Local Philly rag The Metro has an article out this week about the PBRPRPSCLCS Championship, and who is in the featured picture but our very own Zombie Llama! The picture shows Zombie Llama's paper losing to Crimson Destroyer's scissors in the Final 4 of the 2009 PBRPRPSCLCS. Crimson Destroyer went on to take the #2 spot on the night, while Zombie Llama took 4th over all.

The article talks about tomorrow night's Championship and gives a few quotes from El Toro Papaya and C. Urbanus (billed as Shawn Ring). The best part of the article is something called the "Urbanist Defense":

Rockin’ tips

A popular strategy is the “Urbanist” defense — the person loses the first round on purpose to throw off the opponent and give himself or herself an edge because the competitor has a false sense of confidence.

There is no indication if this "Urbanist defense" has any relation to the shockingly similar "Urbanus Defense", named after PBRPRPSCLCS founder and head muckity-muck C. Urbanis.

Double Points Week - Part 1

2010-06-11T12:47:00.001-04:00

It's Double Points Week here in the PBRPRPSCLCS, a tradition during the final week of Season play. 2008 Champ Mr. Is is making the most of it by attending events all week long. Those of us with jobs and responsibilities are only going twice this week. And that brings us to Tuesday night at Dirty Frank's.

2007 Champ Baconshark, 2008 Champ Mr. Is, and 2006 South Jersey Street Champ PJ Rhymeswithsausage braved the rapids of the mighty Delaware in order to be a part of the action. We brought Friends Of the Package J. Martin Hill and Harper Lee with us because carpooling is awesome. But that gesture of kindness made us stay out really late, as Harper Lee made it into the Finals. Sadly, she lost in 3 straight sets to Tina The Boy. But it was a good strong match, and Tina The Boy was gracious in victory.

David Bowie's Package members did fairly well for themselves. PJ Rhymeswithsausage made it to the 4th round, a personal best on the season. PJ also won a solid victory over Dick Nasty, 4 papers in a row covering 4 rocks in a row. I'm not gonna lie. It was awesome. Baconshark made it to Round 3 and Mr. Is made it to Round 2 (unless she was out in Round 1, I forget).

The Beeramid took on a special flavor Tuesday night at Dirty Frank's. 16oz. cans of Pabst and some leftover water ice combined to make the most lemony delicious Beeramid Shandy ever created.

Legg E. Blonde Wins!

2010-06-07T09:38:00.003-04:00

Legg E. Blonde gave a perfect demonstration of The Rule Of Carpooling on Thursday night. You know the one. It's the rule that says "When everybody just wants to lose right away and go home, someone will make it to the Final." And so she did. In fact, Legg E. Blonde won the whole damn thing! And with that one victory in her only appearance all season, she is in 47th Place overall. That puts here well ahead of everyone on David Bowie's Package except for Baconshark (who has made it to the Finals twice and lost in the Finals twice). The picture above expresses equally our joy at Legg E. Blonde's victory and our deep sadness that we had to be out so late on a weeknight. Also, the Beeramid fell over.

In other Package news, Mr. Is is trying to make up for lost time by going to RPS all the damn time and kicking butt at Street. Wednesday night at Raven Lounge she lost Street by $3. Thursday night at The Dive she came in second again, though she lost by $51. Still, second place two nights in a row ain't too shabby.

This coming week is the final week of regular PBRPRPSCLCS play, and that means Double Points Week. David Bowie's Package will be out in force for these events. But the question is, do we have to make double the Beeramids?

The Return of Mr. Is

2010-06-03T07:16:00.001-04:00

Back from the horrors of the American Mid-West, Mr. Is made her return to the PBRPRPSCLCS last week. She played twice during the week and was out in the first few rounds both times. A true return to form. We at David Bowie's Package couldn't be happier to have her back.

In other Returning Player news, Squidling showed up to an RPS match at some point in the past few weeks and also lost in the first round. It's good to have a team that sticks to it's strengths.

WEEK 6

Zombie Llama, Baconshark, PJ Rhymeswithsausage, and the previously mentioned Mr. Is all came out to The Dive for Week 6 action. And as the ladies will tell you, David Bowie's Package likes to keep it short and sweet. Zombie Llama lasted the longest, pumping his way into Round 3 before falling flaccid in defeat to his opponent.

PJ Rhymeswithsausage had a slight return to form in Street RPS, thus making the rest of The Package wait around while he gambled for fake money. But in the end the Street RPS title for the night went to Friend Of The Package B-Pac.

With only 2 weeks left in competition the only question remaining for Team David Bowie's Package is this: How many more Pabst Beeramids© can we make?

Great Technological Innovations

2010-05-21T15:48:00.000-04:00

Now that the blog is 2 years old, we've finally figured out how to turn on the Comments section for the posts. So here's your chance to tell us what jerks we are.

Go ahead. We'll wait.

Also, an RSS feed thingy is down in the bottom corner in all possible news distribution flavors. Eat it up, nerds.

Week 5 and Movie News

2010-05-21T11:12:00.001-04:00

Week 5 and we're finally back on the horse. But not for long! Zombie Llama and Baconshark both went down swinging in Round 1. PJ Rhymeswithsausage put up a good fight but was eliminated in Round 2. It's doubtful that David Bowie's Package will display end of season point totals as impressive as past years, but what the hell can you do? We did end the night on a positive note, though. Even though our only notable accomplishment for the evening was making a beeramid, at least it was a pretty bad-ass beeramid.

**********************************************

In only slightly related news, this past weekend was another round of the 48 Hour Film Project in Philadelphia. Assorted members of David Bowie's Package have been taking part in this movie making competition since 2002 as part of the team Meatball Posse. PJ Rhymeswithsausage, Tits McGee, and Zombie Llama all worked on this year's entry, a dark comedy called "Second-Hand Stiffs." All work on this movie was completed between 7pm Friday and 7pm Sunday. If you are interested in seeing this piece of cinematic tomfoolery you can catch the screening tonight, Friday May 21 at 7pm at the International House. Tickets are $10 at the door.

Or if you're a cheap bastard you can just watch it here.

Week 2 & 3 and apparently Week 4, too

2010-05-17T14:53:00.000-04:00

Somewhere back there in the past was Week 2 of the 2010 PBRPRPSCLCS Season. Baconshark and I (PJ Rhymeswithsausage) came out to fight the good fight. But the good fight had other ideas for us.

I was out quickly in Round 1. But that allowed me to throw in fully to Street RPS. I played well for fake money but still came up about $17 short of the night's victory.

Baconshark, as usual, performed much better. He made it into the Final Four on the night before losing to somebody. It was not a total loss, though. Baconshark did manage to throw a successful Heart Attack (7 rocks in a row) during the evening. It was a good night of not winning all around.

Then Week 3 happened, and we did not play. And then Week 4 happened, and we not only did not play but apparently didn't even notice. I swear I thought we only missed one week. Oh well. Time to crank up the appearances and see if we can't pull a miracle out of our pale crevasses!

2010 Season - Week 1

2010-05-04T09:28:00.000-04:00

David Bowie's Package rolled out mad deep for Week 1. Well, maybe not "mad deep". Maybe "disturbingly un-shallow". OK, it was only 4 of us. That's pretty deep these days, considering several Package members have snapped off at the base of the shaft to create their own brand new team. dOGulas and Zero (now apparently spelled Ziro and who might even be Count Ziro) are members of The Lone Wolves. I don't know if there is anyone else on their team, but who cares? They're dead to us now.

Anyway, back to Week 1. We went to The Dive for a Thursday night throw down. The Dive is "smoke free" now in the sense that you can't smoke in the room while RPS is happening but smoking upstairs or downstairs is fine. In less-stinky-than-normal circumstances, David Bowie's Package did pretty well. Tits McGee and Zombie Llama were out in Round 1, PJ Rhymeswithsausage was out in Round 2, and Baconshark hit the finals. And he looked good doing it, too.

It might be hard to see here, but Baconshark sprouted some Advantages for the final match. And once you see it, it's hard to un-see it.

How many boobs do you see?

Sadly, the Advantages just were not enough. After a good fight, Baconshark lost in the final. But all was not sadness and boob jokes in the world of David Bowie's Package! Zombie Llama won Street for the night with $97 fake dollars!

And so, to Zombie Llama we say, "NICE JOB FACE PANTS!"

2009 PBRPRPSCLCS Champioinship

2010-04-30T20:49:00.000-04:00

This happened last June. Details are fuzzy, so I'll just drop all the highlights I can remember. First, and most importantly, Frankie 13 claimed that this was his final season. As such, the Championship was his last stab at success before retirement. Whom did he face early in the tournament? Zombie Llama.

His final opponent? Zombie Llama.

Frankie 13 is retired.

Looking back, Zombie Llama had the best night of any of us. He took 4th Place over all. Everyone else lost way earlier. As it turns out, most of us lost to the top 3 competitors of the evening. Good job! A full set of pictures from the evening can be found at this Flickr set of the 2009 PBRPRPSCLCS Championship. Highlights from David Bowie's Package's evening are below. Enjoy!

2008 Champ Mr. Is shows off some fresh threads.

Zero loses to the evening's eventual Champ, Sexual Chutney.

Legg E. Blonde loses to someone.

PJ Rhymeswithsausage loses to the eventual 3rd Place,

Madame Silly Putty.

dOGulas loses to eventual 2nd Place, The Crimson Destroyer.

2008 Champ Mr. Is loses to the eventual 2009 Champ, Sexual Chutney.

dOGulas is in a beer commercial in his mind.

2007 Champ Baconshark loses to eventual 2nd Place,

The Crimson Destroyer.

Mr. Is VS Tits McGee in some sort of 8th Grade Dance Competition.

Baconshark with noted friend of David Bowie's Package, Paper Tiger.

Squidling VS Grim Trigger for some Street RPS money.

Zombie Llama "wins" 4th Place.

Madame Silly Putty legitimately takes 3rd Place.

Zombie Llama shows off all the Pabst swag that comes with

the honor of a 4th Place finish.

Baconshark VS Paper Tiger for some Street RPS money

as Tits McGee looks on.

left to right:

3rd Place - Madame Silly Putty

2nd Place - The Crimson Destroyer

3rd Place - Sexual Chutney

Urbanus!

David Bowie's Package Rules! (circa 2009)

...this freaking guy wouldn't keep his mouth shut all night.

Sheesh. Some mammals, I tell ya.

Back Again

2010-04-28T12:29:00.003-04:00

Look at that. No posts in nearly a year. No recap of the end of season and no reports on the (few) off-season events. Huh. Well, I have a few good excuses. 1st - I had an illness to deal with a week after the championship. 2nd - a few days after that illness, my son was born.

Oscar Robot Rhymeswithsausage, born June 18, 2009, shown here as a Sad Giraffe

These days everyone is healthy & happy. I'll have a recap soon of last year's PBRPRPSCLCS Championship, as well as news about this year's season.

Double Points week begins!

2009-06-09T12:26:00.001-04:00

Double points week started off with a poof and a bang yesterday. 2008 PBRPRPSCLCS Champion Mr. Is was joined by her father, Mr. Isn’t, for his RPS debut. He faced an unnerved Billy Shears in a match that came down to the last throw. Mr. Isn’t was felled by his foe, but all appreciated the appearance and support by the Champ’s dad.

A generous donation of cupcakes were brought by Squidling, in the hopes that David Bowie’s Package might benefit from a solid chocolate fix. It would seem to backfire as all male members of the Package were beaten in Round one, leaving only the 4 lady Package teammates to contend for the prize.

Long story short, nobody won. Mr. Is was out in the round of 16, Leggy Blonde lost in the final eight, and the final four saw both Squidling and Tits McGee defeated. We were hoping for an all-Package, all-lady final, but it was not to be. Madam Silly Putty took the victory, taking Biggs Darklighter ftw.

In street competition, Baconshark took the evening prize, whooping second place finisher Madam Silly Putty 78-44. Baconshark did not lose a single street match, including a final “fight for honor” match at the very end in which he defeated Package rival Fighting Mongooses in a lightning fast half hustle. Hopes remain that Baconshark can build momentum through the week, much like he did on his way to RPS glory in 2007.

Stay tuned as things “get real” at Double Points Week, finishing on Saturday at famous/infamous Connies Ric Rac.

News of our brethren

2009-05-31T15:25:00.005-04:00

David Bowie's Package honorary member Windhammer, 2008 Philly Air Guitar Champ, was interviewed over at one of the Philly Weekly blogs. Check it out, the photos alone are worth it.

He was in town this weekend to defend his title, and I heard from sources that he was robbed in a second-place finish. We salute you, Windhammer.

Return Of The Son Of The Extended Package

2009-05-26T16:40:00.002-04:00

The Extended David Bowie's Package made another appearance at The Dive this past Thursday night for some smokey PBRPRPSCLCS action! Squidling smashed her way through Round 1 by defeating Travial Pursuit. dOGulas continued his quest for Rookie Of The Year by beating Package Nemesis: The Fighting Mongooses. Seriously- who likes that guy? David Bowie's Package restates the position that The Fighting Mongooses looks like white trash comic Bill Engvall.

Round 2 brought things back to reality as Squidling lost to Slanted Scissors and dOGulas lost to Smashley. All in all, a good showing by the Package newbies.

The Memorial Day holiday gave everyone a rest from RPS at The Raven Lounge. Up next: Tuesday at Dirty Frank's, and the eagerly awaited return of The Champ!!!

Progress Is Slow, Spirits Are High

2009-05-21T16:38:00.005-04:00

It was another average night for Team David Bowie's Package this past Tuesday at Dirty Frank's. PJ Rhymeswithsausage fell quickly to Feed The Pony team member Captain Obvious. Baconshark defeated Sexy L but then was eliminated by the night's Package Killer, Captain Obvious. Everyone should have seen that coming. Squidling rounded things off by losing in the first round to Friend Of The Package: Pete The Beat.

PJ Rhymeswithsausage displayed some Street RPS kung-fu/Jedi mind tricks and earned a good stack of cash. It was an all or nothing situation to win, so PJ Rhymeswithsausage put his $44 Street Bucks against The Fighting Mongooses' $42 Street Bucks in a winner-take-all Full Hustle. At that point PJ Rhymeswithsausage totally lost all momentum and lost big time.

The members of David Bowie's Package have decided to consult one of many spiritual advisers to see what should be done to ensure victory. The answer may surprise you.

Week 5 Starts With A Meh

2009-05-19T11:39:00.003-04:00

David Bowie's Package is not firing on all cylinders. Other than last week's near-victory by Legg E. Blonde, lately we all loose by Round 2. Ah well. We are consistent.

Last night's adventure at The Raven Lounge was hopping. Package Member Squidling was celebrating her birthday, as was Friend Of The Package El Toro Papaya. Following tradition, El Toro brought a big ol' cake to share with the RPS athletes- a snack to console you after a loss. That El Toro is a real stand-up fella.

Following her own tradition, Squidling lost in the first round. She went against fellow birthday person El Toro Papaya. It's hard to face a loss on your birthday, but at least there was cake to soften the blow. El Toro went on to the finals, but sadly was left with the sweet taste of Loosing Cake and not the sweet taste of Victory Cake.

In other first round loss news, Baconshark almost put up a good fight against new player Hildegard Von Birgen. Baconshark won the first round but then lost 4 throws in a row against his greatest nemesis: a girl. Zero also went down early, losing to Mr. 2nd Place himself, Mr. Strawberry.

The rest of David Bowie's Package did a bit better. PJ Rhymeswithsausge won by disqualification against a person who has a name that no one wrote down. The dude threw an illegal throw. Bad form, but an easy win for PJ Rhymeswithsausage. That was followed by an easy loss to B-Pac. Zombie Llama defeated Senorita Carambolla but then lost to Nubs. Legg E. Blonde did a great job of embarrassing The Fighting Mongooses. (Seriously, who likes that guy?) Sadly, her streak ended in Round 2 with a loss to Dr. Hambone. dOGulas defeated Friend Of The Package Posthumyn in Round 1 but fell to Enemy Of the Package Loomer in Round 2.

All of the package members then enjoyed some $2 pounders of Pabst, some Loosing Cake, and the loss of all of our Street money. How can we top this performance? Come on out to Dirty Frank's tonight to find out!

Week 4 Recap

2009-05-18T15:01:00.003-04:00

There have been a few matches since our last update here at David Bowie's Package Blog. Some folks have won a few matches, some folks have lost a few matches. Mostly we've lost. But returning member Legg E. Blonde had a great night last week. In her first match of the 2009 PBRPRPSCLCS Season she made it all the way to the final match. Then she lost. But she did great right up until the last throw in the last match. Good job, Legg E. Blonde!

This week marks Week 5 in the PBRPRPSCLCS, and David Bowie's Package will hit the Monday & Tuesday night tournaments because we just can't get enough Awesome in our blood. Will the Package rise to the occasion?

(A: Maybe!)

Losers never quit, they just drink more beer.

2009-05-08T17:56:00.001-04:00

Team David Bowie’s Package had a somewhat uneventful week. Monday night found us floundering to stay afloat as Loomer (aka Magnus Magnus) made short work of the field for the night. First year players continue to fawn over his nonchalant successes, but can take some refuge in knowing that this may be his last year in PBRPRPSCLCS play, as he may be moving to Japan next year.

The Foes of Strawbanus rolled mad deep on Monday, with appearances by the guys who beat Baconshark a lot, and Mr. Strawberry, who could not when it counted. Count to that bunch a girl who beat Baconshark, as I was felled in the second round by Sexual Chutney just after after I retrieved a $36 parking ticket four minutes after my meter expired. Ms. Chutney also made short work of Package newbie Zero in the next round.

Our other new peeps did okay, as both Squidling and Dogulas made it to the final four before losing to Loomer and Paper Princess, respectively. Zombie Llama lost in the first round. No surprise.

Reports of Tuesday are sketchy, but apparently Dogulas was automatically advanced after a player was forced to leave by her boyfriend because she was making out with some girl at the bar. Also, he beat Paper Tiger and El Toro Papaya, two RPS stalwarts. Nice job. Zero lost to someone named Hand Turkey. Also nice job.

Next week’s goal: All Package final! (We like to set ourselves up for disappointment. Doesn’t our name give it away?)

Weekend At David Bowie's Package

2009-05-07T11:58:00.009-04:00

Some members of David Bowie's Package did some things this weekend that were not related to RPS. Blasphemy, I know.

PJ Rhymeswithsausage (that's a me!) took part once again in the 48 Hour Film Project in Philadelphia. I've participated in the Philadelphia 48 Hour Film Project every year since it started in 2002. The idea is that on Friday night you are assigned a movie genre and a prop, character, & line of dialogue that must appear in the movie. You have from 7pm Friday night to 7pm Sunday night to write, shoot, edit, and deliver a 5-to-7 minute movie. This year was a bit of a challenge because right in the middle I had to leave the shoot to attend a wedding. The movie is up on YouTube if you are interested.

A dear old Friend Of The Package got married on Saturday. Kate married the love of her life (and all around nice guy), Matt. The wedding was at St. Augustine's Church in Philly. It's a beautiful building with wonderful stained glass windows and other art. It was in The Sixth Sense, too. Then it was on to Camden's Adventure Aquarium for the reception. Everything was super classy and beautiful and nice, just like Matt & Kate. Pictures from the wonderfulness are below, or just go to the Flickr page for more picture goodness.

The happy couple, Kate & Matt.

Kate tells it like it is. Matt wants cake.

PJ Rhymeswithsausage and The Lanky Duckling

Tits McGee & Baconshark VS Sharks

PJ Rhymeswithsausage looks out for shark poop.

The Extended Package Does Some Good

2009-05-01T09:22:00.002-04:00

New David Bowie's Package members Squidling and Dogulas scored some (brief) victories this past Tuesday night at Dirty Frank's. Squidling got her first PBRPRPSCLCS win against official Friend Of The Package Le_Tigre from the newly named Spicy Brown. Dogulas, who wisely ditched the really long name that no one really liked, defeated another Spicy Brown member - Fists Of Iron. (It is the view of David Bowie's Package as a whole that Spicy Brown is one of our favorite teams - they are all good people and we at the Package hope they resume their RPS blog.) All good things come to an end, however. Dogulas was felled in Round 2 by Swine Flu Killed Bea Arthur. Squidling fought hard, but in the end she also lost in Round 2 against Kenya Bates. But that's OK!

After 1.5 weeks of competition, Dogulas is in the lead for Rookie Of The Year points at 11. (insert Spinal tap joke here_.) If Dogulas stays in the lead and wins Rookie Of The Year he will win $100 and further David Bowie's Package's quest to take all of the PBRPRPSCLCS prize money.

The Package Lumbers Towards Victory

2009-04-28T14:22:00.013-04:00

The final preseason PBRPRPSCLCS event was held at The Dive back on April 10. David Bowie's Package was represented by Baconshark and PJ Rhymeswithsausage. And as usual, a lady was our undoing. PJ Rhymeswithsausage lost to Sarah Jane in the second round. Then she defeated Baconshark in the Final 4. And to top things off, Sarah Jane crushed Official Friend Of The Package Paper Tiger in the finals. But all was not lost! PJ Rhymeswithsausge fought the good fight and once again won the Street RPS tourney for the night! That marks 5 Street victories in 5 appearances since winning the Street match at the PBRPRPSCLCS Championship. Thanks to these victories and the off-season prize of a $20 bar tab for winning Street, David Bowie's Package has not had to pay for a drink at The Dive for a damn long time (but we still leave a good tip with the bartender). Extra points for the Season were awarded for the night, so David Bowie's Package was officially in the lead for Team Points for about 3 minutes.

The official start of the Pabst Blue Ribbon Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship Series was last week, and with it came with an increase in girth and stamina for David Bowie's Package. Some longtime friends of Zombie Llama came out not only as Athletic Supporters, but full blown Members Of The Package. Dogulas and Squidling both did DBP proud by loosing in the first round. Truly they are One Of Us. PJ Rhymeswithsausage also faced defeat in Round 1 at the hand of Safety Scissors. Zombie Llama advanced to round 2 by defeating Squidling (One Of Us! - pictured below), but then fell to EZ Almighty.

And last night at The Raven Lounge saw a strong Week 2 performance from the engorged David Bowie's Package. For one night only we took the name Bea Arthur's Package to honor the lady and her junk. Another new member, Zero, made his debut. And just as Squidling did the week before, Zero lost to a Package veteran. More on that in a moment!

The night started with a good omen as Tits McGee got a bye in the first round. Squidling lost in the first round (again) against the ever difficult Loomer. Just to prove that losing in the first round is a fun and healthy thing to do, 2007 PBRPRPSCLCS Champ Baconshark also went down early against B-Pac (B-Pac's first official victory). The rest of Bea Arthur's Package was all smiles and victories in the first round. Zombie Llama defeated Hambone. Zero defeated Frankie 13. PJ Rhymeswithsausage beat newcomer Kimmy. And Dogulas, performing under the name I Throw Rocks Joe Rogan, defeated Frankie 13's protege Mike G. Then we all enjoyed a cool refreshing $2 tall boy of Pabst.

Round 2 saw some strong matches. Loomer again defeated a Package member, this time toppling Zombie Llama. Tits McGee avenged her love Baconshark by defeating B-Pac. Zero totally got beat by PJ Rhymeswithsausage because Zero has an elaborate haircut. I Throw Rocks Joe Rogan had a bye.

So much Package On Package action! The Final 4 was 3/4ths Bea Arthur's Package! I Throw Rocks Joe Rogan defeated PJ Rhymeswithsausage. Sadly, there was no Package On Package Final - Loomer defeated Tits McGee in 3 rounds of hard battle. And in the final, in only his second night of PBRPRPSCLCS competition, I Throw Rocks Joe Rogan beat Loomer to be the Champion Of The Night. Good job Dogulas! Now stop calling yourself by that other name because it is long and dumb.

Bea Arthur's Package ruled the night completely when PJ Rhymeswithsausage won the Street RPS tourney by a score of $27 to Frankie 13's $26. All in all, a very fulfilling night of victories to honor Bea Arthur. I'm sure that she would appreciate what a bunch of drunk folks in Philly are doing in her name.

Viva Maude.

2009-04-27T23:05:00.002-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, Bea Arthur is dead. We found out today on our way to the evening's installment of the PBRPRPSCLCS. As a show of respect and to honor her legacy of surly comedy, we changed our team name to Bea Arthur's Package for a one night engagement in which the Package ruled, of course. Farewell Bea, in your honor we will all try to bullshit this week.

2008 PBRPRPSCLCS Season Recap

2009-04-23T14:05:00.008-04:00

And so it begins. The 2009 Pabst Blue Ribbon Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship Series started up this week. But before we get to that, let's take a look at the 2008 standings, and how David Bowie's Package took home all the money at the Championship.

TEAM MEMBER: Tits McGee
Events: 5
Wins: 6
Losses: 4
Points: 19
Rank: 24

Tits McGee went through a few name changes and career changes in 2008. She's a tough cookie and we all expect great things from her in 2009.

TEAM MEMBER: Zombie Llama
Events: 17
Wins: 17
Losses: 15
Points: 56
Rank: 7

Zombie Llama played through many Specials in 2008 to make his way into the Top 10 for total points. He sold the raffle tickets at the Championship, had many Specials, then WON the raffle at the Championship. And already with one Special and 2 wins in his corner, 2009 is shaping up to be just as much of a blur as last year.

TEAM MEMBER: PJ Rhymeswithsausage
Events: 18
Wins: 25
Losses: 14
Points: 82
Rank: 2

I did awesome last year. And I can never hope to come anywhere close to repeating that performance. 2nd place overall in individual points. 2nd place overall in Street RPS totals. Winner of the Street RPS tournament at the Championship. Seriously. All down hill from here.

TEAM MEMBER: Baconshark
Events: 17
Wins: 19
Losses: 16
Points: 65
Rank: 4

What is there to say about 2007 PBRPRPSCLCS Champion Baconshark? He was a true role model in the 2008 season. He did not rest on his victory, oh No! He earned 4th place in overall points. He threw out the first pitch at a Camden Riversharks game. To clarify, he threw the pitch to a SHARK. So awesome.

TEAM MEMBER: Mr. Is - 2008 PBRPRPSCLCS CHAMPION
Events: 9
Wins: 4
Losses: 9
Points: 18
Rank: 27

Mr. Is was the most consistent player on the Package last year. She was out in the first round almost every time. And every time we told her "You only have to win one night." And dammit, she did. Our Champ is in sunny Colorado for learning and stuff. She will be around this season when her academic schedule allows. So beware, Philly. You never know when the Champ will strike!

IN TEXAS WE ATE MEAT

2009-04-14T11:29:00.009-04:00

David Bowie's Package representatives Baconshark and PJ Rhymeswithsausage had a spiffy time in Austin. We went for SXSW and the Flatstock Poster Art Show. Baconshark has been making rock show posters under the name Large Mammal Print since 2003. His brother also makes rock show posters as Mercer Rock. While they attended the convention and sold posters, PJ Rhymeswithsausage drank a lot of beer and saw a lot of shows.

We arrived on Wednesday 3/18 and ate meat. Mmmmmm, BBQ....

Along with meat, we enjoyed rock and roll. We saw Annihilation Time and Young Widows play, and they were good. (Young Widows was pretty great, actually.) Much later that night, after many beers, we saw Left Lane Cruiser (plays a mean washboard) and the superfantastic Black Diamond Heavies (just plain mean).

Thursday was set-up for the convention. The local ABC station interviewed Baconshark for the news. You can see the piece here (the video won't embed, and you might have to sit through a commercial. But the payoff is Baconshark! So hit the link already.) This is what it looked like when they interviewed him:

Thursday's shows were Rolo Tomassi, Attack! Attack! UK, The Bronx (who are actually from LA), Cold War Kids, Night Horse, Ancestors, another round of Annihilation Time, and Earthless.

Friday = more fun with posters & music. But more importantly, this guy was the bouncer at one of the clubs:

Awesome.

The shows: Handsome Furs (good!), American Analog Set (boring!), The Thermals (fun!), The Hold Steady (great!), and later in the night was Year Long Disaster and Dixie Witch.

Saturday brought out the gorilla suit. People tried really really hard to avoid seeing the gorilla suit. Silly people.

"Nice gorilla."

-"What gorilla?"

Saturday shows (viewed while wearing the gorilla suit): The Poison Arrows (good stuff) and another round of awesomegoodtimeband Young Widows. Later in the day we could hear Echo and the Bunnymen playing next door in the convention center. It was just like being at the show, only we couldn't see the band or understand what they were playing.

Sunday had no shows, but Flatstock was still going strong. Also, more beer!

And that was it. Back to the room on Sunday night, then on to the airport Monday 3/23. We got on our plane and were about to taxi out when the pilot told us "The plane is leaking a little too much fuel for our liking, and we don't really like where the fuel is leaking from. So we're going to see if we can fix it before taking off." Awesome! Eventually we all got off the plane and waited for a new one that "actually works" according to the airline crew. The rest of the trip was safe and uneventful. And now it's a month later, so enjoy the update!

THE PACKAGE GOES TO TEXAS

2009-03-16T14:06:00.003-04:00

Baconshark and PJ Rhymeswithsausage are going to Texas for the South By South West festival. Baconshark has a side business that involves designing & printing posters for rock shows, as well as CD & DVD packaging. PJ Rhymeswithsausge likes to eat BBQ, drink beer, and listen to rock music. For those reasons, and maybe 3 more, they will be in Austin, TX from March 18-23. The rest of David Bowie's Package will be where ever they usually are, and they will be awesome while they are there.

Please take a moment to fill out the Official David Bowie's Package Poll About Texas. It will make you a better person.

THINGS HAVE HAPPENED

2009-02-14T15:20:00.005-05:00

We here at David Bowie’s Package have been maintaining radio silence for no good reason. So here’s the short version of everything since Mr. Is won the PBRPRPSCLCS Championship in June.

Mr. Is was out with friends one night in July and found herself at a USA RPS event. It’s a league run by Budwiser and is as crappy as you might think. Anywho, Mr. Is swept through all challengers to win the whole shebang for the night. Many drunk dudes threw Rock at her. Being the Champ she is, her Paper was strong. And what was the payoff? A crappy Bud Lite lawn chair that broke after two uses. Go Champ!
Mr. Is has since taken off for the greener and colder pastures of Colorado to continue her education and RPS training. She’s gonna come back some day and be all smart and stuff.

PJ Rhymeswithsausage and his lovely wife went on their delayed honeymoon to Australia and New Zealand. Holy cow, it was lovely! Pictures and some details at PJ’s Flickr page.

October saw a handful of David Bowie’s Package going to Toronto, Ontario, Canada for the Yahoo! World Rock Paper Scissors Championship. It was a big road trip carpool sextravaganza starring 2008 PBRPRPSCLCS Champ Mr. Is, 2007 PBRPRPSCLCS Champ Baconshark, that PJ Rhymeswithsausage guy, and special gust star and official Friend Of The Package: Paper Tiger. We drove all night to get to Toronto early that Friday morning. We participated in much alcohol and tourism. Toronto is a really fun city. David Bowie’s Package recommends staying at the Canadiana Backpacker’s Inn. It’s a nice place with nice people, and free pancakes!
The tournament was a good time. There were many pictures of PJ Rhymeswithsausage from his 2006 visit to the Championship on display. Sadly though, Mr. Is and Baconshark were felled by the same player in round 1 & 2. PJ Rhymeswithsausage defeated his first two opponents, but then lost to the gal who eventually took 2nd Place overall. Paper Tiger also lost early, but used hard earned Street cash to buy his way back in to the tournament. He made it to the Round Of 32, but lost to the same gal who beat PJ Rhymeswithsausage. That girl should think twice before coming to Philadelphia…

BEST. TEAM PICTURE. EVAR.

The drive back home was swift and merciless, as all who attended had to return to work or school the next day. But all in all, it was a great time. David Bowie’s Package hopes to return some day and claim total world domination in the name of a rock star’s wang.

There have been a few (poorly documented) off-season events in the world of PBRPRPSCLCS since the championship in July. David Bowie’s Package hasn’t fared too well in these events, but PJ Rhymeswithsausage has won the Street RPS tournament at every event. Each of these victories have earned him a $20 bar tab at The Dive, and this has resulted in a happy and tipsy David Bowie’s Package. And with those victories, PJ Rhymeswithsausage has won every Street RPS tournament since (and including) the PBRPRPSCLCS Championship. Now that this Fun Fact is public, PJ Rhymeswithsausage will never win anything ever again, the end.

In other news, Fighting Mongooses looks like white trash comic Bill Engvall.

That’s all the news for now. David Bowie’s Package rules!

RPS road trip launches in 2 days.

2008-10-21T23:58:00.003-04:00

Much has happened, friends. Team David Bowie's Package, after celebrating another PBRPRPSCLCS Championship Victory, bid farewell to our champ Mr. Is as she moved out to Colorado for some education, not before she had time to claim victory over some less-than qualified RPS competitors. Time passed, a few unconvincing off-season event showings were had, some beers were consumed in off-season varieties, and quiet evenings spent at home have brought us to the task before us.

The Package is going to Toronto for the World Championships, leaving on Thursday evening.

Step 1: Mr. Is flies from Boulder, CO to Philadelphia.
Step 2: Baconshark and PJ Rhymeswithsausage prepare the driving necessities, junkfood, maps, etc.
Step 3: Three RPS heavyweights embark on a mission to prove that the City of Brotherly Shove ROLLS MAD DEEP with RPS skill.

Stupid sub-mission 1: Baconshark goes to hockey hall of fame, cries at the sight of Lord Stanley's Cup.
Stupid sub-mission 2: PJ searches for Crystal Head Vodka.

We will be bringing a laptop with us to hopefully document some of the stupidity, so stay tuned for updates.

Notes on the Finals

2008-06-12T01:03:00.006-04:00

Here are some notes and observations from the sweat-soaked fever dream that was the 2008 PBRPRPSCLCS Finals.

• The Package rolled mad deep with new funky funky official team shirts which were an instant hit. They are not for sale, as they are "Official Member" shirts. "Athletic Supporter" shirts may be available in pink next season.

• Connie's Ric Rac proved to be the perfect venue, like a shitty VFW or something out of Fight Club. As the final round heated up things got tense as the Majestic 12 hollered ungraciously at 3 Finger Bill, much to the chagrin of Von Damonator. Caught in the middle was Tits McGee, who was bruised by a drunk idiot who in any other circumstance would have been given a good face punching. It didn't matter, as 20 seconds later David Bowie's Package stormed the stage to lift up our new Champ and her gigantic check!

• From the looks of the Flickr pool you'd think that our team was more than the 3 charter members and 3 semi-regular members of the Package, as random Dirty Dozen and Majestic 12 team members wiggled onto the stage and into EVERY DAMN PHOTO.

• Von Damonator unwittingly threw "The Bible," a 7-paper gambit which completes this season's new gambit trio of Heart Attack, Guillotine, and The Bible.

• Paper Tiger is an "Iceberg of Spite." Our kind of people.

• Baconshark did not win a single throw in his match.

• Mr. Is won the finals with paper, the same throw that Baconshark won with last year.

• The Papercut Posse are pretty awesome.

• El Toro Papaya did not show up, which made him look pretty lame since his face was on the street money for the night.

• Baconshark designed the street money, with RPS' favorite faces on them: El Toro Papaya, Fighting Mongooses, Post Human, Baconshark, PJ Rhymeswithsausage, Zombie Llama, and Paper Tiger. Gizmo got an autographed set.

• This offseason The Package will be looking to add new members to our team to combat the Majestic 12, who seemed to have a new poorly groomed mouth breather on hand at each event this year.

• The Majestic 12 seemed to be in the midst of some squabbling at the end, perhaps a split in the ranks is on the horizon for the arch nemeses of The Package?

DAVID BOWIE'S PACKAGE RULES, AGAIN!!!!

2008-06-09T22:34:00.009-04:00

Confirming what many have known all along, this surly band of idiots have shown why we rule with a historic sweep of victories at this year's PBRPRPSCLCS Finals. Mr Is, known previously as our most consistent player of the year, now will be hailed as 2008 PBRPRPSCLCS CHAMP! Long live the champ!

Mr. Is defeated several tough competitors on her way to glory. J. Martin Hill, Le Tigre, Von Damonator, Get Your Rocks Off and of course Three Fingers Bill were laid asunder by Mr. Is. So it went that throughout a season of RPS futility Mr. Is was avoiding her greatest strategy: get really drunk and win!

Part two of the sweep was PJ Rhymeswithsausage taking the street prize on the night. He beat the hated (but respected) Fighting Mongooses, and also won a rare Package-vs-Package all-in match against Baconshark.

Part three of the sweep was the 50-50 prize which went to Zombie Llama, who spent all night selling the tickets. Even his own team booed.

After the victorious night David Bowie's Package meandered back to New Jersey and celebrated the win with three parking tickets, a vomitous Zombie Llama, hanging with the victory dog, and loafing which lasted until 8:45 the next evening. David Bowie's Package rules!

No Joy In David Bowie's Packageville

2008-06-06T11:32:00.002-04:00

The season ended for David Bowie's Package last night. A trio of Package members faced a rowdy crowd of mostly Majestic 12 at The Dive. Mr. Is proved herself to be the current Most Consistent Player in the PBRPRPSCLCS by once again losing in the first round. Baconshark beat some dude, had a bye, then lost to some dude. And PJ Rhymeswithsausage, who had a small shot at both the Total Points lead and Total Street Money, blew it all. PJ faced Loomer in the first round. A first round loss by Loomer followed by a 1st or 2nd place finish by PJ would clinch the title for PJ. Anything less would make it Loomer's day. And I totally beat Loomer. But in the 2nd round I was taken out by Bob Loblaw and his Law Blog. Later in the night, Billy Shears sacrificed his liver to buy a lot of Specials and clinch the Street Money championship.

Overall, it was still a good night filled with camaraderie and Pabst. Saturday night is the 2008 Championship. Baconshark will defend his title against a bunch of surly folks. Let's see how it turns out. David Bowie's Package rules!!

PJ Rhymeswithsausage Wins With A Little Help From The Package

2008-06-05T14:46:00.007-04:00

The power of the Il Singapore Maetball was channeled directly into David Bowie's Package last night at Skinner's. There were many new folks playing last night, folks about to throw themselves into the Peace Corps. If possible, they were more obnoxious than us. And we were OK with that.

The Peace Corps Peeps took out many a seasoned player in the first round. Paper Tiger, The Fighting Mongooses, and our very own Baconshark, Mr. Is, and Zombie Llama all fell to folks who didn't necessarily know the rules. Tits McGee fought hard and got super far in the tournament. She beat some new person in the first round, had a bye in the 2nd, and then beat a dude from Milwaukee. At the same time, PJ Rhymeswithsausage was doing pretty well, too. After a first round bye, PJ beat some blonde girl who beat Fighting Mongooses, some other girl who beat Baconshark, and another dude from Milwaukee in the Final 4. Sadly, dreams of an All Package Final 4 were dashed as Tits McGee lost to Grim Trigger.

Grim Trigger seemed ready for an easy win, as he had defeated PJ several times in Street play earlier in the week. But alas, Grim Trigger, it was not meant to be. PJ Rhymeswithsausage served up a quick 3-0 victory, allowing Grim Trigger only one point in the entire set. It was really awesome. During the 2nd match, the guys from Milwaukee started taking pictures with a really fancy camera. The flash bulbs really threw off Grim Trigger to the point where he left the game arena to yell at the camera man. This, of course, led to PJ Rhymeswithsausage requesting more pictures. More Pictures! The Milwaukee Man took to just setting off his flash between rounds. So awesome.

And in other Awesome news, PJ Rhymeswithsausage also won the Street RPS tournament for the night. PJ had a few victories under his belt and had a pretty fat wad. Zombie Llama was also on a hot Street streak and had his own fat wad. In a totally legitimate and above-board match, PJ won Zombie Llama's wad and doubled his cash monies. All of this was witnessed by Grim Trigger, who had a small lump of money. Right before the final match began, Zombie Llama suggested a staged match with PJ to put some confusion into Grim Trigger's head. PJ threw all Paper to Zombie Llama's all Rock. Sure enough, in the first throw of the first Championship match, Grim Trigger (having witnessed the Paper-heavy match) threw Scissors as his first throw and was crushed by PJ's Rock. Good plan, Zombie Llama. The Street total was 92-59, PJ over Grim Trigger. And there was much rejoicing, as the victory paid for most of David Bowie's Package's bar tab.

Tonight at The Dive, the final match of the season will prove to be a make-or-break moment for David Bowie's Package. PJ Rhymeswithsausage is currently in 2nd place for Total Points with 78 points behind Loomer's 92. It will take a first round loss by Loomer plus a 1st or 2nd place for PJ in order to beat Loomer's total score. On the Street RPS front, PJ Rhymeswithsausage is currently in the lead with $394 on the season. But there are many folks in the high 200 point range and Billy Shears has $359. It'll be a close fight. There are rumors that the Street money will be highly inflated for tonight's match. A big money win could come from anywhere. But hopefully it will come from David Bowie's Package, because David Bowie's Package Rules!

Tuesday Night Blowout

2008-06-05T09:51:00.004-04:00

Tuesday night was possibly the single poorest showing for David Bowie's Package. All 4 members were eliminated in the first round. Booo!!! But there was a small glimmer of hope. A solid run on Street RPS earned PJ Rhymeswithsausage some much needed scrilla. Though sadly, it was not enough to win Street for the night. There was a fella there named Mike who reminded us of either the Ultimate Warrior's weird uncle or an unsung Funk Brother. Anyway, Mike was kind of unbeatable in Street, until he bet all his wad on a match and his horse lost. This allowed Billy Shears to take the Street win on the night. We didn't find out final results until Wednesday- we handed in our money and ran somewhere after the 3rd round of play.

David Bowie's Package Rules, but not so much on Tuesday.

Strawberry Appreciation Night (2nd Place Night)

2008-06-03T19:37:00.004-04:00

Monday night was Strawberry Appreciation Night at the Khyber, and Baconshark showed his appreciation by knocking Mr.Strawberry out in the first round of RPS action.

It was a typical scene, forcing Mr. Strawberry to taste the sweet El Toro Papaya-made cake of defeat. Later on that round, PJRhymeswithsausage tasted defeat, as well as Mr. Is, shouldering ZombieLlama and Baconshark with the task of seeking an All-Package Final on the first day of Double Points Week.

True to form, The Package continued it's surly endeavors as Baconshark proceeded to face all three of his previous finals adversaries, this time beating El Toro Papaya and Loomer before losing in the finals again to El Tigre. It wasn't even close, as El Tigre took the match 3-0.

Arriving early (on-time) offered us a chance to stock up on cheap beer and bad attitudes, and somehow we found a second team name if we're ever served with cease and desist papers by the actual David Bowie camp. While Cap'n B.L.O. and the Dead Fish Handshake Squad may never have the same joy de vivre that our current name does, it's good to know there is a worthy second choice for our awesome team.

The night saw another new gambit find its way into the light. El Toro Papaya and Mr. Is were ensnared in a brutal test of wits as scissors upon scissors clashed above an unsuspecting chocolate cake. Tying throws piled up, and as each competitor threw seven scissors in a row, The Guillotine was born. Now, this season has already seen the Heart Attack, and now this! Speculation of a 7-paper gambit quickly arose, and was aptly named The Bible. Surely the one who releases this gambit must be enlightened. Or drunk.

Double Points Week

2008-06-02T15:09:00.001-04:00

Team David Bowie's Package will be throwing hands for the next four nights in the PBRPRPSCLCS. Competition will be fast and furious in the run up to the Championship on Saturday. Will we have what it takes? Will Baconshark repeat as champ? Will our team points inch closer to the Majestic 12? Only one thing is for sure. Much Pabst will be imbibed this week. Best of strategy to you all!

Also, Fishpants!

Skinner's Famous Scrotium Maetball

2008-05-29T19:31:00.004-04:00

A lonely 16 competitors made their way to Skinner's last night for the 100th PBRPRPSCLCS event, and it yielded mixed results for our valiant team. In fact, it was mostly un-noteworthy, as the four of us were eliminated by the second round. Our defeats yielded no wild gambits or daring comebacks. Unremarkable.

What can be remarked upon was the rare form of surly, unabashed goofiness with which we whittled away our evening in the fancy-pants end of the city. I had dental work done yesterday, which easily explained my state as I buried my head into a largely unimpressive kitchen menu. Our server was nice, as everyone has been at Skinners seems to be. She explained to me that they were out of mussels and pastrami, which at first I hoped was a single dish, but was actually two separate items. How sad!

I love menus. Part of it is that I am a graphic designer and I'm a nerd for things like typeface usage and tabbed alignment. But also I love to find the dumbest sounding dish on a menu and make a big deal out of it. For example, who would ever want to eat a Monte Christo sandwich if they knew that it was hellbent on revenge? I don't want no vengeful sammich! Anyway, in this menu I found riches of semantic douchebaggery that I couldn't resist.

I had settled on a hamburger, the least fuck-up-able thing I could find to eat, and I read that it came with the usual lto, fries, pickle, and YOUR CHOICE OF STUFF! Above that, they advertised a steak with YOUR CHOICE OF ANYTHING. Fabulous! But could I substitute my stuff for anything? I told my jovial server that I'd have the burger, but "without any of the god damn stuff." She was quick to point out, at the bottom of the menu, a listing for some sort of ting called El Signore Maetball. Singapore meatball! Señor Mateball? Whatever, just throw your arms up in the air and say EHH! as loud as you can. That's what we did, for about an hour. Also, they were out of hamburgers so I had to eat a $6 grilled cheese. Ugh.

After a few 16oz. PBRz, we became decidedly more surly, and told Fighting Mongooses that he should shave a giant moustache on his belly, and that if he didn't have enough hair, we would shave some of our own and glue it on him for no charge. He was not impressed.

Later, as we made our way back to the car, we realized that we parked right in front of some trendy club called OTIUM, which we have dubbed to be SCROTIUM.

Welcome to SCROTIUM, have a MAETBALL! David Bowie's Package rules!

Rhymeswithsausage Takes The Dive

2008-05-23T15:00:00.003-04:00

As the sole member of David Bowie's Package at The Dive last night, PJ Rhymeswithsausage faced some stiff competition from a whole lotta dudes (and one girl, but she was out in the first round). But despite the odds, despite feeling physically ill, despite his damned car getting freaking towed, PJ Rhymeswithsausage took all comers and won the night!

Everyone defeated was a member or friend of our mortal enemies, the Majestic 12. First was new guy Princess Jasmine (I think someone else picked the name for him). Next was Steve Park, a member of MJ12 who has not played in the PBRPRPSCLCS for well over a year (but he put up a good fight). The 3rd conquest was Season Points and All Other Categories leader Loomer. It came to the last throw in the last match, but Loomer totally lost. In the Final 4, Grim Trigger put up a struggle but was also defeated on the last throw in the last match. And finally, there was Hulk Hoagie. Hoagie beat PJ Rhymeswithsausage in the first round at Dirty Frank's on Tuesday. It was an epic rematch, but PJ Rhymeswithsausage claimed victory with a score of 3 games to 1. Then, with the help of Mr. Is and Zombie Llama (fresh from a Duran Duran concert), our hero raced across town to get his car back from the tow lot. It was a very expensive victory, but was it worth it?

Probably.

VICTORIES!

2008-05-21T12:45:00.003-04:00

David Bowie's Package has much to celebrate!

On Monday, PJ Rhymeswithsausage (that's me) won the Street RPS tournament. Much swindling and showmanship went into this victory. Also, I wasn't drunk, but everyone else was. So that helped.

And last night, after 3 years of hard work, bloodshed, and drunken stupors, Zombie Llama won! He faced many tough competitors on the way to victory. The final match pitted Zombie Llama against The Fighting Mongooses. (Seriously, does anyone like that guy?) Mongooses took the first match, Zombie Llama the second, Mongooses the third. It was exciting! Zombie Llama rallied to overcome the evilest member of the Majestic 12 and won the last 2 matches to claim his victory. A crushing rock on the last throw of the last round utterly defeated the limp scissors of Fighting Mongooses. He totally lost.

Congratulations Zombie Llama! Not only did you win the night, you somehow also got free Duran Duran tickets! Super job!

Rolling Mad Deep at the Khyber

2008-05-20T14:32:00.003-04:00

Last night at the Khyber featured an extended Package last night, as our
usual three idiots were joined by ...Tits McGee, Mr. Is, and what's his name
Thrombosis something? And with the extra girth, the Package did initially
well, sending 4 of 6 members into the second round, only to lose 3 of those
4 matches.

The lone competitor left was myself, thee Baconshark. My first match was an easy win against a guy throwing all reactionary style. Easy to spot. The next was won in similar fashion, as I dispatched Paper Mache. I followed up with a frenetic win over The Captain, who had very intense primes and good street prowess last night. Next was Frankie13's brother in the final four, then on to a heavyweight final against Loomer, winner of mostly everything
this year.

Truth be told: I scripted much of my match play last night. It gives nothing away to say this, as I was merely testing a few strategies through the night. Most importantly, I found that scripting allowed me to worry about my own game more than focusing on what my competitor was doing. This is not to say that I could not deviate from that. The first match of the night was
scripted until I met my opponent, who I quickly sized up as mentioned already, and I let him come to me. The match against The Captain got me though my whole sequence of throws, so I had to be ready to act when the script was over.

My biggest strategy news of note was my successful deployment of a new gambit; The Heart Attack. Use of this gambit requires serious dedication, in which you literally throw a seven. Rocks. In a row. I made 2 previous attempts at this gambit this year, the first time two weeks ago in the storied match where I beat the opponent in four throws of rock. Last week it
took me six of the seven rocks to beat Grim Trigger. Last night I made it through all seven throws of rock, in the finals against Loomer. If I remember correctly, I won three times, two throws to win one game, lost two throws in different games, and tied twice. I eventually lost the match, and credit goes to Loomer for taking it to the last throw.

Team David Bowie's Package has now been to four finals in four weeks, the only win going to PJ Rhymeswithsausage. I lost the other three, each in the final deadlocked throw, once using rock(vs. El Toro Papaya), once using paper (vs. Le Tigre), and last night having my scissors being crushed by Loomer's rock.

Look for more daring gambits, keen strategy and ruling by David Bowie's Package tonight at Dirty Franks, and a Street RPS report from last night's victor PJ Rhymeswithsausage.

Package Nearly Wins Twice, But Doesn't

2008-05-15T23:38:00.009-04:00

It's been a heckuva week for David Bowie's Package. Two 2nd Place finishes in two nights. Wowzers.

MONDAY

DB'sP was rolling mad deep as Zombie Llama, What'll It Be Tits McGee, PJ Rhymeswithsausage, and BACONSHARK were all in attendance at the Khyber. BACONSHARK went down swinging in the first round against Master Fister. Zombie Llama was the first to face defeat at the hand of the evening's Package Killer - Once, Twice, Three Times A Paper. What'll It Be Tits McGee stood strong, defeating The Captain and Digital Destroyer. Sadly, she met her match in Round 3 against Once, Twice, Three Times A Paper. That leaves PJ Rhymeswithsausage. He did stuff, too.

A strong night for Mr. Rhymeswithsausage, PJ soundly overcame Peter Parker, Rock You Like A Hurricane, 2 Backups, and Lizbot on his way to the final match. And it was in the Finals that Once, Twice, Three Times A Paper truly earned the name Package Killer for the evening - he beat PJ Rhymeswithsausage in a quick 3 match set. There was no joy in Rhymeswithsausageville, for beardy PJ sucked pretty hard. (On the bright side, I still have $5 of free bar money left from my win at the Khyber a few weeks back.)

TUESDAY

Hope was rescued from the precipice of bad things early at Dirty Frank's, only to later be smashed mercilessly against those bad things. PJ Rhymeswithsauasge and Zombie Llama were both out in the first round- PJ fell to rookie Travial Pursuit and Zombie Llama was slain by Captain. There was some solace for our fallen, as both Zombie Llama and PJ Rhymeswithsausage beat Fighting Mongooses in Street RPS. Nobody likes that Mongooses guy.

BACONSHARK shot out of the gate with solid victories over Grim Trigger, Sac Agnole, Hulk Hoagie, and Von Daminator. BACONSHARK faced Le Tigre, el capitan of The Paper Cut Posse. It was a tough match, full of swagger and spit-polish. In the end, in the last throw in the fifth match, Le Tigre's scissors cut the paper o' BACONSHARK. It was a clean, honest victory for Le Tigre. It sure would have been nice to see BACONSHARK win though.

In other news, Fists Of Iron (also of the Paper Cut Posse) dished up some life lessons on his way to winning the night's Street RPS tourney. Majestic 12 member Loomer learned that, when it comes to Street RPS, A] there is no honor, and B] you gotta know when to hold 'em. Well done, Fists Of Iron. You've done Shou-Lao the Undying proud.

Creative heckling part 2

2008-05-14T00:53:00.001-04:00

Creative heckling is on hold for the moment, as I forgot to bring the stuff with me to RPS action this week. Maybe next week I'll actually remember to be awesome.

Creative Heckling

2008-05-12T16:09:00.002-04:00

Attention geeks with nothing better to do. Portions of tonight's heckling at the Khyber will be quoted from bad reviews of the Speed Racer movie. You can play too!

The quotes:

"adventurously awful"

"you wonder if (David Bowie's Package) aren't trying to pull off an elaborate hoax"

"Borderline-experimental in the way it challenges the limits of perception. It's forward-thinking, visionary, and much of the time unwatchable."

"demands you be a glutton for sensation"

"Orgy, hell"

"self-conscious grandiosity"

"fakeness of it all overwhelms"

"a deranged techno fantasia"

"a Warholian blur of pop art"

"like eye candy laced with lidocaine"

"what might result from the explosion of a Crayola factory"

"like a nightmare in which you're trapped in an arcade with screens on all sides and no eyelids"

"more akin to that phenomenon by which young infants, exposed to more stimuli than their systems are equipped to handle, will simply shut down"

"the trippiest stonerfest since Stanley Kubrick took his space odyssey"

"gaudy as a transvestites convention and soullessly cute as a robot puppy"

BACONSHARK Throws Out The First Pitch

2008-05-08T23:44:00.005-04:00

And so it was that BACONSHARK, the 2007 PBRPRPSCLCS Champion, was invited to throw out the first pitch at a Camden Riversharks game. And in a great moment for marine life, BACONSHARK threw that pitch to a Shark. Well, a dude in a shark costume. But it still counts!

A Rock Paper Scissors tournament bookended the First Pitch event, as literally tens of Philadelphians and South Jerzians battled for the honor of winning (and some Riversharks swag). Many a close match was played. Our own Zombie Llama was defeated by his roommate (Steve From Ant Baby Machete Squad) in the opening round. When Steve From Ant Baby Machete Squad asked if this was a "dick move" on his part, the resounding reply was, "Yes - well done!"

The Final Four of the tournament came down to Mr. Strawberry, The Fluffy Giraffe, Hisae Arai, and MOMMASHARK (BACONSHARK's momma). Mr. Strawberry defeated The Fluffy Giraffe, thus permanently raising the ire of David Bowie's Package. Hisae Arai then took down MOMMASHARK, which also raised some ire, but not as much as that Strawberry guy. In a very close Final Match that was poorly narrated by The Announcer, Hisae Arai took the victory all the way home to Japan. Mr. Strawberry proved once again just how consistent he can be at choking in the Finals of a big event, as he did when he lost the 2007 PBRPRPSCLCS Championship to BACONSHARK.

What's this? You say you shan't believe my words until you see proof for thine own self? Well then nonbeliever, gander upon the official PBRPRPSCLCS blog post about the event. Or, if you're too lazy to push that button, push the one below and watch a stunning video montage of the day's adventure.

Hot competition, new faces, and beer

2008-05-06T12:46:00.010-04:00

Last night the 2008 PBRPRPSCLCS really heated up with some very exciting competition at the Khyber. The night’s final match between myself (Baconshark) and El Toro Papaya was one of the best matches thus far in the season.

The final four finished up with Toro beating Zombie Llama to nullify an all-Package final, and afterwards Toro and I decided to split a delicious PBR for the final round and fight over the last 1/4 of the beer that remained. We entered the final stanza of competition as respectful adversaries, and then launched headlong into a duel that brought us down to the final throw. Tactics changed more than once through the event. I don’t remember us tying more than twice consecutively, which I credit to keen strategy on both our parts. We traded victories, stayed focused, and brought it down to the final throw. After tying with paper once to bring the anticipation to a boil, the match was decided with Toro’s paper covering my rock, giving Team Feed the Pony a sweep on the night as Mr. Strawberry took the street competition despite his best efforts to come in second place.

In all, Team David Bowie’s Package had a very strong evening. First of all, we all made it into the second round, which rarely happens. In the first round PJ Rhymeswithsausage calmly dispatched season points-leader Loomer, losing only one throw. Zombie Llama won in four throws against The Captain, and I humiliated The Banker by defeating him with four consecutive Rocks. I can’t say that I’ve ever seen that done, let alone bring that much Rock to the table myself. But you can’t argue with its crushing result.

Continuing into the second round, PJ lost his match to J Martin Hill, and Grim Trigger randomly selected Zombie Llama and myself for a bye in the round. I guess the Majestic 12 is good for something.

The evening was filled with new faces. Three friends of the Package made their RPS debut, Yannaconda, Chocolate Schraedle and Lisa (forget her RPS name). They all lost their first matches, but I’m sure they’ll be back to claim victory soon. Another group showed up late to take the evening by storm. We’ve also unofficially dubbed them the Meat Squad, and they brought in a kind of theatrical competitive style that was an instant crowd favorite. Their first match put them up against each other, Nosila Meat vs. Kennedy. Their style of play was part interpretive dance, part unbridled excitement, or what may even have even been an elaborate mating ritual. Well, maybe not. Anyway, they brought the match to a final throw that brought the crowd at the Khyber to their feet as Kennedy beat Nosila Meat and moved on to the second round. David Bowie’s Package fully supports these new competitors and hope that they return for more RPS!

3rd round action placed Zombie Llama against one of those new competitors, Kennedy. Hopefully there’s no relation to 1990’s MTV VJ Kennedy, who was pretty lame. But the Kennedy was not lame, no sir. Using all of her skill and advantages against him, Kennedy made for a worthy adversary, but Zombie Llama won it in the end. I defeated a poorly groomed upstart from the Majestic 12 to move on to the final four. In that round I defeated new player Joe Crockett to move on to the finals, and Zombie Llama lost to El Toro Papaya to narrowly avoid an All-Package Final, which may come yet one day.

RPS2004: Road to the Championship

2008-05-01T21:27:00.003-04:00

This film was a 2004 entry in the Philadelphia 48 Hour Film Project. A "mockumentary" about the quest for the Rock Paper Scissors Championship, made by PJRhymeswithsausage and his pals in the Meatball Posse. This film is pretty much what started our involvement in the world of RPS.

Welcome to The Package

2008-05-01T20:52:00.004-04:00

Well, here it is. One more gad dawn blog to waste your time reading. Team David Bowie's Package are here to deliver news, notes and nerd-speak from the land of Rock Paper Scissors in Philadelphia. We are eminently qualified in the ways and means of RPS, through much trial and even more error, through the earliest days of the 05 USARPS tourney, Keystone Classics, through lonely first-season nights at the Khyber, weekly beatings at Bob and Barbara's, and onward to glory at the 2007 Championship Tournament.

We've done the time, and are now here to shed a dim-witted light on our corner of nerd heaven. To all PBRPRPSCLCS players, we welcome you and your competitive spirit. To everyone else, we hope you will come to respect our sport, and we encourage you to join us for cheap beer, bad humor and RPS at a PBRPRPSCLCS event real soon.